Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
