would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
