Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
