THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
