he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
