I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
