I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
