The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
