I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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