I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
im holly from the hills drunk
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
