just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I cut my penus on the lid.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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