it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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