thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
