Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
