So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
