i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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