I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I forgot how hot balto sounded
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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