and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
