I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
