Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
