i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
