Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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