You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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