I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
