he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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