so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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