i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm getting married
To pizza
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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