No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
