well you can't waste a boner
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
