your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
