i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
then he tried to convert me to islam
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
