I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
