Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
