i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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