oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
