We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
