Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
