Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
