so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
