i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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