gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
