yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
