what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
