There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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