we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
