I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
