I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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