The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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