Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
