My hand turned me down
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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