i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
