So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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