The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
